Monthly Archives: October 2011

Secure Attachment versus “They F**k You Up”

I was interested to discover whilst reading and listening to some of Dan Siegel’s work that the number 1 predictor of how a child would attach with their parents was based upon the parent having created a “coherent narrative” about their own childhood. An attachment theorist named Mary Main noticed this and Dan Siegel was struck by the importance of her findings and has seen that “adults who could through therapy or other reparative life experiences, learn to create a reflective, coherent, and emotionally rich story about their childhoods – no matter how neglectful, abusive or inadequate – they could ‘earn’ the emotional security they’d missed and still be able to form good relationships with their own children.” For me this is good news, as a Mum and as a therapist and Babiesknow Team member. 85% of parents who had a coherent narrative of their childhoods had children who attached securely. Continue reading