Boundaries

One of your baby's basic needs is: 'Hold Me!'

Loving and secure boundaries help to fulfil this need.

Putting boundaries in place will help you enjoy a contented baby and a relaxed family. On our courses you'll get plenty of insight into how to make, hold and review boundaries, whatever your age or your baby's age.

Boundaries are healthy and essential. We all need them. Boundaries exist around space, touch, behaviour, what is said, emotional expression, sleep, food, crying, time … in all areas of life.

Consistent and loving boundaries contribute to feelings of security and comfort. Without boundaries, there is little safety, and this may be frightening. Imagine being a baby in the middle of a large room without anything to touch except the floor – a contrast to the safe boundaries of the womb. We all need something that allows us to feel held and to push against as we test our limits: both these are necessary for exploration and growth.

Rigid or flexible?

When boundaries are too rigid they become bonds, leaving us feeling trapped. The result, as with boundaries that are too loose, may range from difficulty trusting, to stifled expression, to fear. Barriers to honest expression are not helpful.

Keeping boundaries flexible requires four things: honesty, communication, action, and a willingness to change when necessary. Remember, each person in your family is unique and what works well for one person may work less well for another; the trial and error process is part of discovering the balance for your family. At Babiesknow workshops we explore boundaries in relation to every topic we discuss.

What are your boundaries?

Many of the boundaries you use have come from your family of origin. Some come from your peer group, some from friends and the media. Some boundaries – or their absence – may arise in reaction to these influences, if you don't want to repeat them.

Boundaries are often unconcious - they simply form part of our 'comfort zone'. They may relate to bed times, eating habits, sharing feelings, speaking up ... anything. But it's very useful to reflect on your own attitude to what's ok, and what isn't. When you become conscious of your boundaries, you can choose whether to honour or discard them, depending on how they feel for each person in your family.

It's amazing how simple awareness, even without active change, often makes a huge difference to the way everyone gets on! Role play exercises on Babiesknow courses are frequently amusing, and always enlightening, whatever the boundary issue!

Click Here to Read helen's Blog Entry on Boundaries