Babiesknow Blog

It's great to get dads involved ... right from the beginning    

Involving Dads in pregnancy and birth has been shown to have immense benefits - for the dads, for the babies, and for the mums (and also helps towards simpler labours & births).

So it's great news to hear about a recent 'round table' discussion that's taken place and will feed into midwifery practice across the UK. Joanna Moorhead writes about its importance in the Guardian:

' ... Firstly, because a growing body of evidence is making it clear that fathers who are engaged in pregnancy and birth are more likely to remain engaged in their children's lives. {bold type added by babiesknow, because this is crucial!}. Secondly, the roundtable heard, because mothers' levels of satisfaction with their care in childbirth is affected to some extent by how well their partner was treated by the midwife. As one participant put it: "Respecting women matters and you don't respect a woman if you don't respect her man." Thirdly, because fathers provided not only welcome but also extremely effective support to new mothers, especially in the postnatal period. That support could be invaluable, the roundtable was told, not only to the new mother and her baby, but also to the hard-pressed midwifery services...'

We'll be watching the debate closely and finding out how it begins to filter into midwifery and NHS practice, particularly in respect of support for women and men through pregnancy. Our parenting courses in north London are directed to women and men in equal measures, so you'll find that all the information on this site relates to you both - but there is one page devoted to dads in pregnancy, where you'll find out how a baby is able to bond with their dad even before birth, and how important fathers are.

Surfing around, found an article on Parent Dish about the problem in schools of Toddlers' Anger: http://aol.it/y2mK7S. Take a look: there is a call to set up separate referral centres for angry toddlers. And the comments at the end of the blog are largely biased towards reintroducing discipline in the form of 'a clout round the back of the head' or a 'belt/cane'. Phew. Is that really the way to go?

I agree that caring for children well in the early years can help to reduce the likelihood of problems in the future - and it's good to read Charlie Taylor's views that adults need to be responsive to young children ... but this seems to be where the agreement stops. Separate pupil referral centres for 'angry' youngsters?

Something is missing here - where is the consideration for the toddlers' feelings? And who's thinking about the parents? A childs behaviour is his or her best way of telling you what's going on in their world, and if they are angry, where does this feeling have its roots? I wonder what Mr Taylor has in mind when he talks about special centres? Where does he stand on paying attention to the family environment, and how parents interact with their child?

Toddlers who are very angry have a good reason to be so; even if that reason seems strange to an adult, it's important for the toddler. Feeling heard - most importantly by the parents - is really crucial for the child. What is he really angry about? Is it that he doesn't want to share his toy? Is it that he is scared at school and no-one has picked this up? Is it that a new baby has arrived into the house? Is it that he has too little time with mum and/or dad? There are so many possible reasons; and listening is really important.

What is happening at home, including the dynamics with other siblings and with the parents, has an impact on how a toddler interacts with his or her peers. Anger that comes out in the classroom or playground could well have its roots at home. Maybe parents need some support, or some guidance - are they struggling with day to day pressures, or might they want a little guidance to help them listen to and understand their children?

I would be very interested to know from Mr Taylor what his view is on discovering why a child is angry in the first place. Starting with this may be a better way of taming the future angry teenager than using a pupil referral centre for toddlers ...

It's a common situation,and becoming more so. Despite picture-postcard ideals and the fairy tales we are told as children - and hope to believe - not all partnerships go well, and not all last. One in three couples separate, and for many the separation involves children.

Lucy Cavendish shares her personal story in London's Evening Standard. Having spoken to Kitty and Helen, and applied their advice, she's feeling optimistic about how her children are doing.

For a taste of Kitty & Helen's tips for parents going through a divorce, read our article on Divorce & Separation.

And you can read Lucy Cavendish's article in full by following this link to the Evening Standard.

If you'd like personal support, please contact us.

2012 got off to a good start with our first Foundation Course last weekend (Jan 28/29). We welcomed over 20 participants - including expectant couples, parents of toddlers and teenagers, young people looking ahead to pregnancy, grandparents, and two beautiful babies who really tuned in (and were probably the best teachers of the weekend!).

We kicked off with Yehudi Gordon's presentation. He gave an overview of the Babiesknow philosophy and what we cover during the weekend: babies' sensitivity and awareness, brain development, genetics and epigenetics, relationships, family and ancestral influences, emotions, and more. Kitty Hagenbach then helped the group gain insights into the way babies experience their feelings and come into relationship, even before birth, and the group explored how their own early experiences have shaped their outlook as parents today. After lunch, we considered the impact that our parents and grandparents, and the generations before them, have on us. And we looked more closely at the emotions that drive each and every human, helping us play, connect and bond - and what to do when difficulties with feelings get in the way of happiness and our connections with others.

On Sunday we got really practical, reflecting on the way emotional drives affect every-day life. Helen Biscoe-Taylor guided the group into the world of a baby and looked at how we can meet babies' needs to feel loved, held, heard, seen and nourished. The practical tips on breast feeding, sleeping and massage were a particularly big hit with those expecting babies, and parents of small babies. Later, Kitty's stunning role plays had the room in fits of laughter and moments of silent contemplation - and held a message for everyone.

By the end of the weekend, everyone had learnt a lot - with the most consistent feedback being a greater understanding of themselves, and (their) babies and children, and some really practical tools to take away.

As we say at the beginning of the weekend, what we share is not a rule book, it's not dogma. It's a bit like trying on clothes when you're out shopping - try the different elements for size and feel, and take what you like ... then you will be parenting from  your heart, knowing that your choices are rooted in your instinct, and backed up by science.