Category Archives: Stories

Pushchairs: forwards or backwards?

PushchairThis week, Charisse shares her views on prams, pushchairs and buggies.

“I recently read a study by Suzanne Zeedyk, psychologist, which included a look at the way pushchairs are designed, and wanted to share my thoughts about the results. Not only do we need to listen to our Little Ones, but they need to listen to their carers. The direction of the baby buggy has a strong effect upon your child’s vocabulary and how your baby relates to you.

When out in a fast, often over-stimulating world babies feel safer when they have contact with their parents/carers. They need to see Mum’s face to know if that big beast called a dog is going to eat me, or of that “boom” from the construction site is a real threat to baby’s life. Continue reading

Secure Attachment versus “They F**k You Up”

I was interested to discover whilst reading and listening to some of Dan Siegel’s work that the number 1 predictor of how a child would attach with their parents was based upon the parent having created a “coherent narrative” about their own childhood. An attachment theorist named Mary Main noticed this and Dan Siegel was struck by the importance of her findings and has seen that “adults who could through therapy or other reparative life experiences, learn to create a reflective, coherent, and emotionally rich story about their childhoods – no matter how neglectful, abusive or inadequate – they could ‘earn’ the emotional security they’d missed and still be able to form good relationships with their own children.” For me this is good news, as a Mum and as a therapist and Babiesknow Team member. 85% of parents who had a coherent narrative of their childhoods had children who attached securely. Continue reading

Boundaries

One of the most common questions that comes up on the courses and at the support group is about Boundaries. When do I need to put boundaries in, is my baby being naughty by doing things I don’t want them to, how do I know if the boundary I have imposed is right?
I struggled with the balance. In the first instance I found everything relatively simple, I loved to hold and care for my newborn baby, I responded to every murmur and kept him close. He grew and I wondered, was it OK to pick him up every time he cried, was it OK to feed him when he was hungry and offer my breast as comfort, how much should I feed him, should I leave him to cry? Continue reading

Being a Good Girl

Who would have thought that “being a good girl” could be a problem!

I empathised with one of the Mums who attended the Babiesknow Support Group when she vividly described her dilemma having been brought up to be good, a euphemism for “doing as she was told”.

 Continue reading

Talking to my Baby

A story from a mum who has been to Babiesknow 1: Foundation Weekend

One of the key lessons I learned at BabiesKnow was the importance of speaking with my son right from the beginning.  This was all the more important because our home life is a little different as my baby’s father no longer lives with us, a reality that at first was very unsettling to my young child.  The BabiesKnow team helped me understand that despite his early age, my baby could sense what was going on anyway.  And that naming and acknowledging it while telling him he was safe and secure and loved would be immensely reassuring to him. Continue reading