Healthy boundaries

Rigid or flexible?

What are your boundaries?

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Boundaries

Boundaries are healthy and essential. We all need them. Boundaries exist around space, touch, behaviour, what is said, emotional expression, sleep, food, crying, time, … in all areas of life.

For your baby, consistent and loving boundaries contribute to feelings of security and comfort. Without boundaries, there is little consistency or safety. This makes it hard to trust and to flourish and it can be frightening. Imagine being a baby in the middle of a large room without anything to touch except the floor – a contrast to the safe boundaries of the womb. We all need something that allows us to feel held and to push against as we test our limits: both these are necessary for exploration and growth.

Rigid or flexible?

When boundaries are too rigid they become bonds, leaving us feeling trapped. The result, as with boundaries that are too loose, may range from difficulty trusting and stifled expression and growth to fear. Barriers to honest expression are not helpful.

Keeping boundaries flexible requires four things: honesty, communication, action, and a willingness to try things and change when necessary. Remember, each person in your family is unique and what works well for one person may work less well for another; the trial and error process is part of discovering the balance for your family. At Babiesknow workshops we explore, utilise and try out boundaries in relation to every topic we discuss.

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What are your boundaries?
Many of the boundaries you use in your life have passed to you from your family of origin. Some come from your peer group, some from friends and the media. Some boundaries – or their absence – may arise in reaction to these influences, rather than as a repeat of them. Some boundaries you apply today will be valid and useful, some will not.

Like most people, you are probably unaware of many of your boundaries, at least until you begin to reflect on them. When you become conscious of boundaries, you can choose whether to honour or discard them, and you may choose to put new boundaries in place. Improved wellbeing usually follows. Babiesknow shows you how to try it and see the impact for yourself.

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‘I was so encouraged that there are such simple ways to give my baby what he needs, and still get what I need! I've thrown out my mum's ideas of self sacrifice, and started caring for me. It feels better.’ Janet

"A parent who rejects a child's desire to depend raises a fragile person ... Independence emerges naturally not from frustrating and discouraging dependence, but from satiating dependence."

From A General Theory of Love, by Thomas lewis, Fari Amini & Richard Lannon